Things that make you go "Ngggggghhhhh"

For reasons best known only to themselves, a random person in Galway has recently taken it upon themselves to send me a number of messages in which they display astounding levels of pedantry (and if I find them too pedantic, imagine how bad they must be) and recommend that I consider how lucky I am not to be somewhere less fortunate. They also recommend that if I can’t take responses to my sarcastic comments then I should refrain from making any. It is very, very odd.

I’m not averse to comments. Quite often they are charming and far wittier than anything I could manage and for these I am pathetically grateful. It’s always nice to know I have achieved my aim of providing somebody with a brief and not unpleasant diversion from the more important things requiring their attentions.
Occasionally though, people feel the need to let me know that actually, Napoleon did not invade on a SW trajectory through Spain, it was a SSW trajectory and that if I don’t even know that I probably go out strangling kittens in my spare time. Upon receipt of such comments I usually let them be but this time, I foolishly forgot Rule One: Don’t Interact With Pedants.
Having swiftly realised that my correspondent may not have realised I was joking, I opted to explain and engaged in the rookie mistake of thinking that signing off a note with the words “Take Care” would indicate a matter was at a close. It turned out not to be.

I tried to be nice about it. In the interests of diplomacy, I apologised if they found my replies anything other than light and compounded my rookie errors by thinking that finishing a note with the words Please Do Not Contact Me Again would indicate that I did not want them to contact me again. In reply, I received the charming advice that if I did not want to be contacted by them then I should not make any more sweeping generalisations about Ireland.

My inner Dark Theo wants to name them them, provide an address where they can be contacted and publish their charming notes in full here. Sadly, such a move would be an abuse of the power I believe I have but which exists only in my head. Like my fifth rule of existence states, Just because Somebody is being a Jerk, it does Not make it okay for You to be.
Instead I must comfort myself with the thought that, should I require it, I have a lawyer who is so good at his job that a government once tried to kill him. Unfortunately, this thought is not much comfort so last night I did reply to them. It wasn’t the nicest thing I’ve ever done but strangely I don’t regret it as I normally do after I have done something a bit unkind. I feel good. I felt better still after blocking her from contacting me again.

The maddest thing of all is that the comment this person has taken umbrage with was made back in April. Somehow, they have worked it into their head that what I said is a slur on the whole Irish nation and its culture. While I frequently do slur the Irish nation and its culture, this was not one of the occasions when I had. The only reason I do not give the specifics of it here is because I don’t want to give anybody any indication of who this person is and where they can be contacted.
The whole situation has the air of “I’m sorry, who were you again?” I have no idea who they are of why they feel the need to keep badgering me. I’m sorry but I’m never going to stop and think to myself “Oh no, I’d better not write that, so-and-so might send me a note!”
Of course, there is every possibility that finding themselves unable to communicate in their usual manner they come here instead. Should they have done that, I hope that reading this over encourages them to stop wasting their time sending me notes and instead get on with their own life in peace. It is very bizarre to have somebody berating you over an issue you are slightly less interested in than Wimbledon.

3 comments:

durdlin said...

Yowser. 10 points for self restraint.

sarah said...

What the heck?! Theo I really can't stand self righteous wallys with no hobbies so instead in their free time they berate others for writing their own thoughts on their own blog.

What a loser! You're a better person than I. I'd have instigated a national dog walk past their house and then let all the dogs poo on their lawn

Or maybe this guy has a crush on you and is being very 12 about it?.

Theo said...

Durdlin - 8 points for self restraint. One knocked off for responding at all to her and one knocked off for blogging about it. In response to your other query, Sarah worships the ground I walk on, that is how I know her.

Oh, all right. She reads my blog. I read her blog. It's all about the blogging love. I assume she isn't a mad psycho killer. She might be though.

Sarah - I hope it isn't a crush. They are married with an 8 year old kid. I so should have signed up to the MI5 graduate recuitment program.