People who Follow then Don't Follow One on Twitter

As I’m sure you know by now, I do love to be at the forefront of all the popular youth trends. I am totally down with the kids. Only yesterday, me and my “homies” were “kicking back” in our “crib.” Only Tory MPs are more with it than I am.

In order to maintain my position of lagging a fortnight behind all things “top drawer,” I have for myself a Twitter account. I know I may, in the past, have hinted with displeasure at the whole idea of the thing but, as anybody will tell you, I am ever open minded to new experiences. In fact, the only way I could become more open minded about things is with the assistance of an angle grinder.

In case you have been living under a rock or else are the munificent possessor of friends who exist in the real world and so have no need of this fickle interweb universe, Twitter is like having your own personal message board. You can post messages onto it of up to 140 characters long. Other people can subscribe to follow what you post. You can follow what other people post. It’s all most banal.
Happily though, celebrities exist to post their own banalities and make us realise that they are Just Like Us™.
Stephen Fry is the most well known Celebrity Twit (The people in charge of these things have tried to instigate the terms “Tweet” and “Tweeter.” It’s nice that they do that. If only I cared.). Barack Obama is, likewise, a Twit. Fictional Characters from popular televisual shows are Twits. Everybody who is anybody is a Twit these days. Including me.

Should you have any final, lingering doubts about Twitter, it may interest you to know that over Lent, the Church of England are Twitting daily suggestions for becoming a better person. So, effectively, Twitter is endorsed by God. Or, at least, by Dr Rowan Williams which is the next best thing. Or, at least, by Dr Rowan Williams’ lackeys which is the next best thing to that.
Suggestions so far have included “Today say something nice about someone behind their back” and “Give a home-made gift to a loved one” both of which are nice suggestions. I shall endeavor to consider doing something akin to one of them as soon as humanly possible.
Although I am not Christian, I am interested in what the Church has to say so signed up to follow them. As a result, I am now in turn being followed by them, Westminster Abbey and a Vicar in Canada. I’m hoping to somehow harness this new found popularity to make one of the daily suggestions “Start a Flame war with PopeTube.”

In addition to alerting strangers to the contents of your lunchtime sandwich, Twitter usefully doubles as a virtual method of walking into a room and handing out business cards to everybody. I have a car dealer in Ulster amongst my followers. I don’t live in Ulster and don’t want a car but if I did, I probably would have a quick look at what he has to offer so it isn’t a total waste of his time.
I have already had a random number of people begin following me and then, a few days later, stop. The people who have begun and then stopped, I assume, were people hoping I would read their blogs. When I failed to follow them in return, they quickly grew grumpy and rejected me. Nothing like being rejected by people you don’t know and are not interested in to dent a girl’s confidence.
It’s an odd thing to do. If you are networking, it is deeply inadvisable to go off in a huff because somebody chooses to file your promotional leaflet in the bin. Back in the days when He Who Knows Everything had a day job, he used to know about marketing and claimed that 0.01% was the anticipated response to a mail shot. Of that number of respondents, less than one percent would go on to buy the product.

Personally I hope that some of the people I don’t know who follow me will go on to read the blog having been inspired by my “witty” observations of less than 140 characters. Those who read the blog I hope will follow me on Twitter and recommend me to their friends. I feel I am nothing without a Utah based fan club.

My Twitter address is www.twitter.com/Theohrm and the feed is also linked in to the main blog at www.atrivialblogforseriouspeople.blogspot.com
If you are a Twit who reads the blog, give me a wave and let me know who you are so I can make sure to follow you. Think of it as a supremely unexclusive club with no benefits.

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