The Cat Returns

Happy the girl and happy She alone, She who can call today her own: She who, secure within, can say, “Huzzah! My Cat is not dead! She is back at home sporting a new lampshade accessory!”

As you might guess, I am most happy that my Cat has returned mostly safe and sound. Richard, the other Vet (who I like very much and not just because he has the build of a Rugby player), has done a sterling job on her eye and has sent her home with a warning about seepage and instructions that she isn’t to have any excitement for a few weeks.
What he didn’t tell us is the how the Cat is supposed to cope with a lampshade on her head.

It began happily. Once she realised she was home, she immediately started pressing her head against her cat box to be let out. I opened the cat box door expecting her to bolt straight to her dinner but she didn’t. Instead, she got stuck.
I held her lampshade steady so she could get out of the box and put a bowl of water down for her. It took three goes but eventually she worked out that she could fit the entire lampshade over the bowl and have a drink. This didn’t work with the plate of chicken. The bottom of the lampshade rested on the plate and, when she moved forward to try and reach the meat, pushed it along the floor. Once I’d stopped laughing, I fed her by hand.

Having had a few goes at walking backwards to see if that would get rid of the lampshade, the Cat decided to have a sleep on the sofa in the hope that when she woke up, the horridness would be gone. It’s a technique she uses with Strider.
Having jumped up onto the sofa, she found she was face to face with the back cushions and when she tried to rotate, was stopped by her lampshade. Then she couldn’t lie down properly, because of the lampshade. She spent a few minutes rotating until she worked out she could dangle her head over the edge of the cushion and be comfortable.

Some time later, she decided to use her litter tray. She’s never been very good at this. She spends a long time deciding where she wants to dig but doesn’t actually Go in the hole she has made.
So. She gets on the tray. She rotates. She tries to sniff the litter. She can’t. Her lampshade is in the way. She walks forward a little and gets it jammed on the side of the tray. She tries to rotate but can’t. She walks backwards until free. She rotates. She tries to sniff the litter. She can’t… and so on for eight and a half minutes when she gives up, Goes where she is standing and wees all over the floor as usual.

She decides that after all that effort, she needs another sleep. She tries to go back to the sitting room but walks too close to the door frame and gets stuck. I move her lampshade to allow her access and wipe it clean with a Kills Everything Wipe.
This time she wants to sleep on the rug. Every time she lowers her head, the lampshade gets stuck on the pile and she thinks she can’t move. After a while she gives up and goes back to the sofa.
I sit next to her. She briefly considers my lap but the logistics defeat us both.

Presumably she will get used to this. It’s only been a day, after all. The main difficulty is how she is going to be able to eat. At the moment I am periodically holding a plate inside her cone for her to eat from but that is clearly not going a long term solution.
I’ve found a very small plate and have put it on an upturned bowl, the idea being that she can fit the cone around the plate and lower her head enough to get at the food. This rather depends on her aiming ability which is, as you can tell, not great. She has already spent a frustrated few minutes pushing the new arrangement around the kitchen floor.

So, if you are an engineer, I would like for you to design for me a device to allow a lampshade wearing cat to eat. The Cat in question is very clever, if rather belligerent, and can learn providing adequate bribery is applied. She also has quite short legs.

Still. On the upside, having a cone amplifies every noise she makes. She is very much looking forward to her 5am sing.


Anonymous said...

I just sent an email to my vet to ask him about "comfy collars." They look like they may work. Good Luck. (My poor cat has been wearing a lampshade on and off since 2005!)
Here's the link:

Theo said...

Thank you very much Anonymous purveyor of Cat based wisdom!

I've just had a look at the website and it looks perfect for her.


Anonymous said...

Since I sent the link for the "comfy collar" I tried to buy the collar at a local pet store and they did not stock it (only online. (I am in a different situation because Buddy has a sore on his belly that we have to keep him from licking.)

After I could not purchase the comfy collar, I started looking at "doggy" clothes and it occurred to me that an infant "onesie" may work.

I went to a nearby store and bought a few infant one-piece thingys on sale.

Alas, they are too small - my cat is 20lbs. My vet called today and suggested an infant tee shirt. I am experimenting again tonight.

However, I have been thinking about your cat all day - before you purchase one of those collars, think about the size.

I was thinking that you may get one that fits but, what if your cat can reach above it?

If you get a bigger one that the cat can't reach above and harm his eye socket, what if the neck is too big?

Maybe check out the neck sizes - you could probably even experiment with kiddie inflatable tubes for sizing? I just don't want you to go waste money on something that won't work.

In addition, I read another blog earlier today that showed a cat in the comfy collar and it did look like the cat was much happier. However, the owner said that the cat still had trouble walking/eating.....

Hopefully, your cat won't have to wear it for a long time.

Also, thank you so much for your gracious comment addressing me as "purveyor of Cat based wisdom." I am truly honored but not deserving of the title in any way. You certainly are charming! Quite refreshing.

It may be that I am just jaded from living in and around Detroit, MI USA - ugh. "Charming" and "Refreshing" are, at times, elusive around here.

You will hear, or read, of residents who profess to "love living in Detroit" however; it is only the very rich, who spend most of their time anywhere but here or, the people who have never been anywhere else and don't know any better.

Of course, we do have beautiful lakes but it's not like living in Chicago where you can actually see a lake...and so now you know that I am a rambler...

And, that I love cats very much!

Oh, I'm not "anonymous" - my name is "Mary" - it's just that I have only posted on newspaper blogs - your blog is the first non-newspaper and I was afraid if I signed into my google account my email address would show - not that it really matters.

I also saw that you had a myspace page - do you have a Facebook page? I am curious because I wonder if it is different in Europe? (forgive me if that's not where you live, i think I saw that) In the US it seems, at least in my small world, that "myspace" has fallen to the tweens and teens and celebrities and facebook is the current "IT" social network. Oh my gosh - are YOU a celebrity? I guess by now you can tell that I am just a MORON.

I will go now and let you rest your eyeballs. Sorry for the rambling. Unfortunately, I have always been a compulsive, non-profitable writer. I can type forever if not for practicing some self-control and compassion for the poor person on the other end.

Good luck with your cat. I sure hope she finds a suitable solution to her predicament. If I come across anything else I will let you know.


Theo said...

Hi Mary,

As far as I am concerned you are the Anonymous purveyor of Cat based wisdom and should immediately have it printed upon a T-shirt to let the world know of that fact.

I'm not on Facebook partly due to a brief attempt with it resulting in incomprehensibility, and partly because I already Bebo and myspace and blogger and need a little free time to learn "facts" from wikipedia.
Bebo is the network of choice in Ireland (where I live, not where I'm from) and Myspace got signed up for ages ago and it just seemed churlish to expect chums from there to come over here.
To be honest, between my inbox, the blog and real life, I don't put much effort into the socialising part.

I have never been to Detroit but He Who Knows Everything was once denied winning sixty four pounds in a pub quiz because nobody else on the team believed him that it had the highest drug related crime rate in America. I shall make a mental not to examine it on Google Earth forthwith.

I'm happy you have enjoyed the blog enough to leave a comment. I urge you to immediately share it with all of your friends. Think of it as getting in on the ground floor of the Next Big Thing. Possibly.

Keep safe, keep happy and good luck with your own Pws (That’s Welsh for Cat you know),