How Not To Vote

I think it was Tommy Tiernan who best summed up the Lisbon Treaty Referendum. He said he had been under the impression that there were two ways to vote: Yes or No. As it turned out, you could either vote Yes or you could vote We Can Do This As Many Times As You Like Until You Chose The Correct Answer.

Ireland is one of two countries in Europe who have yet to ratify the Treaty. The other is the Czech Republic and they said they’d sign if we did. The ratification of the Lisbon Treaty rests solely on Ireland’s shoulders. The peoples of Europe are right to be worried.
The Government are all for it. They would like nothing more than to waltz into Brussels and put their X on the line but unfortunately, they can’t. The ratification of the Lisbon treaty involves changing the constitution and the Government aren’t allowed to do that without a referendum. Their main problem is that when they had one, we all voted No.

Naturally, the Government were a little surprised by this. They immediately commissioned people who know about these things to find out why. It turns out that we were all worried that the Lisbon treaty would negate Ireland’s military neutrality, effect its taxation and legalise abortion. Even as I write, guarantees are being sought on these issues to placate the electorate in time for the next referendum when we will all be voting Yes (or else).

This is all nonsense of course. The people who know about these things didn’t bother to ask me what I thought of it all. It’s a shame because, as we all know, I have a great talent for telling people exactly where they are going wrong.

To be honest, I think it all began to go downhill when the bloke in charge of it mentioned he hadn’t actually read the thing. While I admire his honesty and enthusiasm for the project, it was not the best thing to mention to the electorate.
The Government pamphlet explaining what it was all about didn’t help either. I have mastered Calculus, The Perfect Victoria Sponge and Flat Pack Furniture Assembly but I couldn’t understand a word of it.
In some desperation I passed it on to He Who Knows Everything and begged him to explain it. He couldn’t.
With a growing sense of hopelessness the Yes campaign tried a new tactic: Voting No On Lisbon Will Embarrass Your Government In The Eyes Of Europe. I’m sure I am not alone in saying that I am more than comfortable with that.

I still don’t understand where the idea that Lisbon would legalise abortion comes from. I didn’t see it being used by the No campaigners. Maybe they were afraid it would strengthen the Yes vote.

Anyway. The Government has promised the EU that they will sort out the population, buy all the votes they can, explain things properly this time and secure ratification.

We may not be part of the EU much longer.

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