The Cat Radiator

A trend has developed in my locale for seriously cold weather. I’ve had to defrost the car twice this week already and I’m pretty certain that the frost on the turning circle is still there from yesterday.
If it sounds like I’m complaining it is probably because I am. I am really cold and from the magnificent heavens blazing merrily overhead, I’m guessing tomorrow morning is going to be another white one.

This cold weather is, naturally, making me worry about the cat. She is very old and decrepit and her behaviour hints at a dislike of the cold. She likes to sit on the granite hearthstone with her nose three inches from the fire and gets cross when I move her even though I explain that the smell of burning cat hair is deeply unpleasant. Best not to ask how I know that, mind.
Once removed she will stretch out on the rug and bake her stomach instead. During the day she likes to sit in a patch of sunlight and watch the birds. I thought she was feeling the cold due to her advancing years but she is more than happy to spend as long as I will let her beneath the bird table, in freezing temperatures, with her mouth open. She also likes clambering on the terracotta pots to try and get at the coal tits. Then she likes falling off them.

Of course, for every problem there is a theoretical solution and I saw mine in the Vitenary. A Cat Radiator.
The idea is that of a cat bed which cunningly hooks over a radiator to provide a warm and secure sleeping place for your sick or aging cat. Many years ago when I had my first cat, Tickles (which wins me the porn-star name competition every time), she had one and loved it. She, however, wasn’t an anarchic psychopath.

I know from long experience that anything purchased for my cat with be sniffed and rejected. She is genuinely more excited by her Christmas present when it is still wrapped up. When she was a kitten she was bought a wicker cat basket to sleep in but wouldn’t go near it. Instead she would go and sleep in the wicker ironing basket. When I bought a DVD player, she came to watch me plugging it in, climbed into the box and stayed there permanently for 3 months. Then she got out and never went near it again but I had to leave it on the sitting room floor for a couple of weeks in case she changed her mind.
This is what my cat does. She finds somewhere she likes to sleep and takes up semi-permanent residence there for an undisclosed amount of time before deciding she wants to find somewhere better. At the moment it is on the blue cushion on the brown chair in the sunroom. She prefers the cushion to be on somebody’s lap and will prance and meow to try and get you to sit there.

Since the Cat Radiator is a sound idea, I’ve been trying to work out a way I can make one at home for nothing rather than spending a lot of money on something which will ultimately be rejected.
There are two main logistical difficulties. One is how to make something that will hang low enough to the ground for her to get in and out of easily. The other is how to make something strong enough to take her weight. Should I ever manage to come up with a viable design (possibly involving copper piping and my rather nifty blue pipe benders) there will be a third logistical difficulty: teaching the cat to understand the purpose of the object.

I may just let her stay cold.

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