An unexpected visit from Strider

Strider has announced today with her customary organisation that she will be arriving at the ferry port tomorrow evening and would somebody mind awfully swinging by to pick her up. I am faintly pleased about this for two reasons. Firstly, she will distract my Mammy which means I will be left alone to get with my nefarious schemes in peace. Secondly, she owes me a present.

I would hate to imply that I'm only interested in seeing my big sister because of a latent desire for gift based produce. I'd hate to imply it because it is entirely true. It is the only reason I'm interested in seeing her. Unfortunately, I know from bitter experience that even though my birthday was back at the start of July, she will not have managed to drag herself down to the shops to get me anything.

Last year she failed to get me anything. I ordered something for myself from a website and asked her to post it on to me. It took her 6 weeks. This year, she rang me up to sing at me down the phone and say "I have got you a card. I'm holding it right now. I'll post it tomorrow."

I, by contrast, am lavish and exciting in my present giving. Last year I made her a scarf. We had a power cut so I ended up crocheting by candle light to get it finished in time. And I spent a blinking fortune on wool. It would be cheaper to buy an entire sheep!

She says she won't get me presents because I don't tell her what I want. Actually, I do. It's just that my request is made via a system.

What I do is quantify the amount she has annoyed me between Christmas and July and transfer this into a monetary value I believe she can afford. Then I request a gift of this amount. She objects to this system because it involves her spending more than a tenner. Stingy Mare.

The thing is though, she can actually pick good presents for me. The one year I didn't use the system (or rather, the one year I decided she had annoyed me to the value of £45 which was excessive I admit) she got me a book she knew I would enjoy, a copy of Pharaoh for the PC and a Doctor Who mug. Fantastic!

Anyway, she'll be here tomorrow so I will be able to berate her properly in person. Just in case she's copped on…. Jason Mraz has an album out. I don't own it. Yet.